Remember that date I went on? Apparently he thought it went well too, because he asked me out again. I really like being productive when I’m hanging out with people so when he asked me if I wanted to accompany him grocery shopping and then come over for a nice home made dinner I was all for it. We (read: he) made cubed butternut squash and baked chicken and sat down to eat it and engulfed ourselves in conversation.
Some of the biggest concerns for ostomates, especially in the beginning, are dating and intimacy. Can I date with an ostomy? How long should I wait to tell someone I have an ostomy? Will my significant other be accepting and supportive? Will a potential significant other reject me? Will sex be the same? I share(d) these concerns and am happy to report a positive experience on the dating front! I can’t speak to sex, but I’m thinking that with the right person, I will have nothing to worry about.
The day before, I’d mentioned having to write a bio for myself and struggling with it. I must have been kind of vague about it because while we were eating he brought it up again and asked what I had to write the bio for. It was for an article in the Carmichael Ostomy Association’s newsletter – they had asked me to share my story and allowed me to promote this website.
Previous to getting together with him, I decided I would rather tell a potential significant other (and probably new employer) earlier on rather than later, while still giving them time to see that I can be “normal” before I cloud their judgement. Having an ostomy doesn’t define me but it is a part of who I am and I like to surround myself with people who accept all of me. I figured him asking about the bio was as good as any opening and went for it.
I couldn’t have asked for a better response. I’ve told tons of people about Coltrane but never a stranger who’s response really meant something to me. I’d practiced in my head how I was going to bring it up and what I would preface it with. Obviously in the heat of the moment, all of that went out that window and I told him about struggling with ulcerative colitis, kicking my colon out, getting an ostomy and naming it Coltrane. When I finished, he asked me if he could give me a hug and told me he didn’t think any different of me. Whew! What a relief!
He asked me a few questions about Coltrane, I showed him my bag (he has a weak stomach, whoops), I made him watch the Tosh.O about ostomies, and after I left he checked out my website and did a little more research. Keeper huh?!
I’ve been reading the book It’s in the Bag and Under the Covers
This post was written in February 2014.